Life goes on

Well, life doesn’t look to be getting any easier. The next few weeks will most likely be some of the hardest I’ve come upon in my lifetime. My Pastor is a huge encouragement, as is my wife. But I still wonder what I have left to give. I feel empty, completely spent. People have concerns about me that they don’t bring to me. I’m blamed for unruly teens or unsafe events whenever I have done my best, but the other leaders chose to sit and talk on couches. They are praised for being great leaders, and I’m roasted for being too young and inexperienced. No one trusts my leadership, no one trusts me. I have lost my confidence in my abilities and gifts, given me by God. I don’t know up from down sometimes. I’m stressed, I’m alone. I feel very much like this poem describes (though perhaps not completely solo since my wife rides in the ship beside me and keeps me from fumbling over the side and into the chill water),

I am solo in this world of water
Only the tip of a sunrise visible
Like the morning light in a little girl’s eyes
I crave this freedom
I find it only in this little ship
Just my soul and this bread and butter
I am comfortable
But there is a treason at sea
Is it me?
It is a wonder, supernatural cover of war
The dark ones who eternal in damnation grow
Set about me now
How they whine and crow
I am solo
In this world of wet
And bitter is my temperament
I close the door to sentiment
And I relish all my youth
I realize that I am doomed
Fear of love and fear of you
But you give me the keys to paradise
It is you who sympathize
You and your perfection grow
I am cradled in your ocean’s throw
I crave your freedom in this little ship
For you alone can chart my trip
And like these waves I lose my grip
And I sink into your arms

But my question is, God where are your arms?


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