So, here I am again. Wondering why I don’t blog much? My life is mediocre. When life is mediocre, average, normal I don’t blog. There is nothing to blog about. Today, however, I feel the need to talk. To speak to the ether, as it were.
I am, simply put, waiting for God. Perhaps I lack the patience to truly wait. I wait for a job in the Boston area (preferably Danvers or thereabouts). I wait for a church that wants what I have to offer working with students. I wait for seminary to begin. In short – I wait for some kind of touch from my God. It seems that he has forgotten about me. Perhaps this is how Noah felt in the middle of the flood before God “remembered Noah” and the waters receded. Perhaps this is how Israel
I just had someone tell me that I should shut up and not worry about a church that wants me until after seminary, though not in so many words. Probably good advice. Still need a job for while I’m in seminary. But I guess that’s a matter of continuing to look for one. Oh, yeah, and trusting God that he’ll provide one. Which, I mean, he has in the past – I guess. It’s funny, on the one hand I’d love to sit back and be the calm and wise sage that takes things as they come and has some great wisdom to dispense. The problem with that picture of myself is that although I might want that, I am, in fact, too young to be a great sage. No – I am impetuous and impatient.
Perhaps most of all I lack the confidence to be such a wise person at present. The confidence in God (he and I have walked far, but not nearly as far as we will have walked in another 40 years). The confidence in myself. The confidence in God’s love for me and his desire to use me in some way. The confidence that my life isn’t going to be wasted.
You see, for all my cynicism, I really do want to change the world. Perhaps the difference between me, and the other twenty-two year olds who want to change the world, is that I want to change a few people, and few teenagers, who might actually be able to learn the Bible, learn Hebrew, learn Greek, know God and be less biblically illiterate than their parents. I want to teach them to think and learn for themselves. I am impatient to start that dream. I am, perhaps, too expecting of God to set the dream in my lap.
So tell me Adonai, what do I do now? Wait for you? That is doable – though not easily.