Today, I am officially unemployed. I have completed my last day at Davis College. In so many ways I’m pleased and excited. The work environment was less than healthy. I was becoming more and more frustrated with my Alma Mater because, to be honest, I have serious concerns and doubts about the current leadership and their authoritarian leadership philosophy. But, in many more ways I’m depressed and disappointed to be leaving. I love and enjoy the company of many of my co-workers. I loved getting paid to work on Linux servers all day. It was a blast.
Paul was incredible today. He brewed coffee and Earl showed up with muffins. Earl also brought over a bottle of Trois Pistoles (ale!) for me. Paul then managed a little party for me around lunch time. I’m going to miss him a lot. He is the coolest boss I’ve ever had. He deserves much better than he gets at Davis. He’s a good guy, even if he can be gruff at times. Life won’t be the same without his humor. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do when I don’t hear Family Guy and Star Wars references on a daily basis. I may very well go into withdraw. Life will be less interesting. After all, there aren’t too many managers who enjoy Dilbert with the rest of us.
Added to the emotion of leaving my job, which if I may take a rabbit trail, I’ve had for basically six years. I started as a Computer Center Technician and moved from there to part-time Linux system admin and then from there to full time System Administrator. But, as I was saying – added to the emotion of leaving my job is the emotion of moving. My home is chaotic. I don’t feel comfortable and safe here. I’m moving to an unknown area, hours from friends and family. I don’t have any friends in the area, aside from the Q’s (whom I don’t know overly well), but they’ll be heading out of the area soon. It is scary. Coupled with this is the fact that classes start this fall at Gordon Conwell for me, and I’ve never done graduate work before, so there is some (natural, I believe) anxiety there.
In the midst of all this I try to talk to God. I continue to feel alone and frightened. I don’t know where I will work yet, though I do have interviews set up. So, I’m nervous, emotional, anxious, upset, faithless, excited, happy, and faithful all at the same time. On the one hand there is no doubt in my mind that this is what God wants Mandy and I to do. If that is the case though, why do I have so much fear about moving? Why am I so nervous about finding a job after I move? I guess to some extent all of this is natural. It’s normal to have some anxiety about going to an entirely new place and beginning an entirely new chapter in one’s life. I have faith that God will take care of Mandy and I, but I do worry about things still. Does that make me a hypocrite?
As this week draws on, and we get ready to pack up the truck and go, I’m going to have to spend some more time in prayer with God I think. Hopefully it, along with blogging, will help me keep my sanity.